three years ago....

I would never have imagined life like today... Three years ago a creature came into my life and my life changed. Forever... and in a way that I didn't think possible.

When John and I started the process of having a family, I truthfully didn't think it would ever really happen and certainly didn't think it would change my life the way it has. Before Annabelle we had a great life. We spend our time doing what we wanted, kayaking, hiking, eating dinner out.. We were happy and I loved my life.

Then along came Annabelle.

That cold and snowy January day three years ago, everything changed. She was perfect. Her face, her head, her fingers and toes.. all perfect. I cried, John cried, Amber cried... It was the most amazing day and the best day of my life. She was all I ever dreamed of and more. As we spent our last moments with Amber, my heart filled with such love and admiration for her. What a gift she had given us. A gift that could never be repaid and one that will bond us together forever.

We headed off for our long drive home (Wichita to Clarksville) with mom along for support. Annabelle was amazing, three days old and traveled 12 hours with no problem. John and I, however were stumbling all over ourselves in fear we were doing something, everything, wrong. We spent our days watching our precious daughter grow and change... learn to crawl, sit, walk and talk. She was amazing.. Is amazing...

Never in my wildest dreams did I think being a mom, having a family would be this wonderful. That I would be this filled with love, so much so that at times I fear it will flow over...

Granted.. there are times that she tries me and pushes every button I have and some I didn't know I had... followed a moment later she announces "mommy, I love you so much!" I am not sure if she knows what she is doing but I love it non the less!

Being a parent is a funny thing.. I read the books, at times like a nut job, searched the internet for answers, called friends, parents or anyone that would listen but nothing compares to parenting yourself. There is no words for the joy children bring and the fear that goes along. At times I am not sure which is stronger, fear or love. Don't get me wrong.. I LOVE my Annabelle but the fear that goes along with that love, any love really, is overwhelming at times... you know, the fear of something happening to them, something not happening, growing up so fast, fear of someone harming her, taking her, well.... you get the point. I was not prepared for this level of emotion. Both the good but even more, the bad. So I pray, every night. That is the only thing that keeps me from spending all my time worrying about everything. Feel free to pray along with me.. (smile)

Happy birthday my dear sweet Annabelle. You are my everything and I love you more than you will ever know.

Thanks for reading.. as always.. much love to you all
Carolyn